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Why you can dress us up, but you can’t take us out…in Amish country.

So the Nerd and I went away for two whole days without kids. Hallelujah and amen. We visited Amish country, which sounds hokey (at least we thought it did), but it’s actually shockingly beautiful and serene. Until you get to the tourist traps.

The Nerd and I went on said trip with a group from our church. I was rushed over by the Nerd to be the first one on the bus so we could snag the back seat. Because we’re in high school.

Childishness aside, snag the back we did, and we were joined by our supremely fantastic friends, the German and Martha. The German is so named because he’s from Germany. I know, I’m brilliant. Martha is so named because she sews, paints, builds things, cans things, makes everything from scratch, raises chickens and has a home straight out of Better Homes and Gardens. She’s flipping Martha Stewart, except not annoying.

Putting the four of us together can be kind of dangerous. My sarcasm is egged on by all three of them, and putting the German and the Nerd together brings out the most immature, caveman-like behavior I have ever seen from a grown man. Seriously. It started with conversation that revolved around bodily functions at least 30% of the time. Really? Doesn’t that stop being entertaining in preschool? Because I was so not laughing. Much…

Then some strange force overcame the Nerd, and he completely lost all semblance of manners. We hit this famous buffet for dinner the first night. While being seated, the Nerd reaches out, with his bare hand, and grabs a piece of fried chicken to eat on the way to the table. It’s a buffet. You sit, you ask for water, you go get food. The wait isn’t THAT long. And reaching with your bare hand for food? Your mama did not raise you like that.

To top it all off, the chicken was devoured by the time we sat down, and the bone was placed directly on the table, under the specials menu. Not on a plate. Or in a napkin. On. the. table. What the what? Where have your manners gone? I briefly considered attending finishing school to get accustomed to the family’s more formal dinners, and now you’re going all wild-man on me and eating with your bare hands, dumping the carcass on the clean tablecloth? Sigh. Your mother would tan your hide.

Meanwhile, the German is laughing, while Martha and I are left dazed and confused at the primordial force that has overcome our husbands. Maybe it’s just been far too long since we’ve been away from the children.

That would explain why I snuck in this photo when the tour guide wasn’t looking:

And why I took this one:

Because nothing says, “Mommy misses you,” like a murderous Amish baby doll.

Amish country really is lovely, though. You can buy a variety of hand-made goodies.

Aside from warped sense of humor, we did have a wonderful time viewing the countryside. We also caught at show at the Sight and Sound Theater, which, if you’re ever in the Lancaster, PA area, is totally worth a visit. It is NOT cheesy Christian entertainment. *cough cough Left Behind cough cough*

These plays are professional, quality shows that are actually worth the money if you have it available. The Nerd and I were blessed with tickets to go on this trip, and we were thoroughly impressed with the production.

Plus, we got some much-needed couple time and grown up time – sort of. It was grow up-ish. Minus the bodily function conversations and the free for all at the buffet. And all kidding aside, the Nerd and I were kind of inspired by the way the Amish live their life. More on that later, though. I don’t want to trivialize it by throwing it in with scary babies and chicken bones.

Ooh! I almost forgot. I met a real, live, fellow Mommy blogger. She’s over at, which is loaded with helpful tips, cute anecdotes, and healthy doses of Donna’s sparkling personality (I spoke to her for all of 5 minutes, but she tuned me into some helpful blog tips – like conventions for bloggers – in those few minutes. Who knew?)

One thing is for sure: everybody needs a vacation once in a while. Also, to anyone accompanying us in the future: you can dress us up, but you can’t take us out. Consider yourself warned.