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Parenting FAIL Friday: You’re going to want to replace that.

As you may know, we’re attempting to potty train Smush. It’s going swimmingly. And by swimmingly, I mean it’s been a couple of weeks, she hasn’t peed in the potty once, and she’s now trying not to drink because I was an idiot and told her drinks help us go pee pee. Smush – 1, Mediocre Mom – 0.

The other night we marched her into the bathroom, armed with her Dora potty seat, two potty books, and the patience of a saint. She promptly proceeded to pee before her jammies were off. Super.

We sat her on the potty anyway, because that’s what you do. You sit them on the potty to associate peeing with the toilet. As you can tell, it’s been working fabulously.

She sat there for a while, talking, singing, generally keeping herself amused. The Nerd stepped out for a second to chat with me, but stopped halfway through a sentence to begin the following conversation:

Nerd: …I need a new toothbrush.

Me: Huh?

Nerd: *glancing toward Smush* I need a new toothbrush.

(We see Smush, vigorously scrubbing…her feet. Her dirty little feet. With the Nerd’s toothbrush.) 20130121_183854 (1)

Me: It’s not that bad. I can sterilize it. It’s just her…

(We again see Smush, no longer scrubbing her feet, but her, umm, nether regions.)

Me: Yes, yes you are definitely going to need a new toothbrush.

I guess it’s good that she’s listening when I tell her about cleaning head to toe at bath time. Right? And about how important it is to brush our teeth, although she’s slightly off on her anatomy.

Has anyone noticed that these stories are not in most parenting books? Hoards of novels on proper nutrition, behavioral development, and socialization, but nobody says, “When your kid cleans their derriere with your toothbrush, we recommend the following course of action.”

Show me a parenting book on what to do when your preschooler starts putting stick-on boobs on her stuffed animals, and I might be interested. Parenting experts my foot.


About Mediocre Mom

I am a wife to the man who was made for me, and mom to three amazing girls: Punkin is eight, Goo is four, and Smush is two. I'm a Christian, a science geek, and completely addicted to coffee. Trying to stay sane one day at a time. Lowering the bar for moms everywhere.

13 responses »

  1. Oh my gosh! This is hysterical! The best potty training advice I never got but stumbled upon with my second… Forget to potty train. Yes, actually forget that you SHOULD be doing it. My youngest always seemed so young so I totally forgot to potty train him til he one day said to me at age3, “I can go in the potty too.” I told him I didn’t think so. He proceeded to climb up on the toilet and pee. That was the last day of diapers. By the way, same thing worked for my first son and riding a bike without training wheels.

    Lesson learned: They figure it all out at their own time- preferably late;)

    • I would be all over that, if I didn’t have a potty trained requirement for her to attend the 3 year old class. And her attending that 3 year old class needs to happen. For my sake. 😉

  2. Idk how you feel about bribery at this point, but my parents bribed me with one piece of my favorite candy if I went pee-pee in the potty and two for number two. Yes, associate the potty with where you pee, but associate the potty with good things like candy perhaps? With my sister they literally told her that if she could pee in the potty like a big girl she could get big girl Mulan panties. Then again I’ve never had my own stubborn toddler so I don’t even know why I’m commenting lol

    • Oh I didn’t write an exhaustive list. She has no interest in candy, cookies, new underwear, or phone calls about her success. Three kids in, we know all the tricks. The candy thing worked wonderfully with Punkin. I’m almost afraid to admit that I’m going to just have to…wait. 🙂

  3. I failed to potty train my girls by the age of 3. My son wasn’t such a bad case – I think it’s easier with boys because you can use the “aim for the Cheerio in the toilet bowl” olympic event. Boys love that.

    Potty training before preschool will perhaps be the toughest academic hurdle kids ever face. The bribery thing is a great idea.

    I was just catching up on your blog after a roughly 2 week break of reading, because of events in my family. I just wanted to say that I love the stories you tell about your family. Blogging helps me keep my sanity. I hope that it does the same for you!

    • I think I’m spoiled because my first two trained immediately after their second birthdays. I kind of knew going into it that going three for three was probably not going to happen. And yes, blogging does help me stay sane! 🙂

  4. I know you. You have now quarantined your toothbrush until further notice. The end.

  5. Absolutely love it! Your household sounds like a ton of laughs! 🙂

  6. I keep saying you should put these into a book!!! I had the problem with my one of my children where he had number 1 down but number 2 wasn’t happening and we were running out of time because he was signed up for 3 year old pre-school where diapers weren’t allow. Panic started to set in so I made him run around in no pants and told him there would be consequences if he did it anywhere but potty…he just had to do it once in potty and he was golden!

    • I did the run around with no pants for the first two, and it worked pretty well. This one just pees all over the floor. I suppose hoping for three easy-to-train children was a bit selfish. 🙂

  7. Oh my! Hysterical!!! And I hate to say it but you were sooo blessed to have the first two outta diapers soo fast…now u get the special blessing of empathizing with the rest of us! We love you, MM!

  8. Pingback: Parenting FAIL Friday: A healthy dose of normal. | Confessions of a Mediocre Mom

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