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Parenting FAIL Friday: Those aren’t candy.

What better way to kick off a new year than with a classic anecdote of “How are you allowed to be a mother?”

If you are raising, or someday hope to raise, multiple children, there’s a very good chance you’ll have to dial the Poison Control number at some point. We had to do it when Punkin ate deodorant (yes, deodorant) and when Goo ate approximately 30 gummy vitamins. But you know what there is no hotline for? Inedible objects.

Ringing in the New Year, everybody is making New Year’s resolutions. I’m not really into that, because I’m fairly certain 90% of those are failed attempts. I prefer to continually be trying to be the woman I want to be, whether that means joining (and actually using) the gym, or organizing the art cabinet. A sparkly ball dropping in NYC with a poorly hosted show of random celebrities does nothing to motivate me. Sorry, Carson.

While thinking about the things I’m currently working on, I thought: Maybe this will be the year. Maybe I’ll finally have my stuff so amazingly together, I’ll have to get rid of Parenting FAIL Friday because I’ll run out of material.

I made it 2.5 days.

Finding this next to your toddler is never, ever a good thing.

Finding this next to your toddler is never, ever a good thing.

While getting the girls into bed the other night, I was snuggling Goo, and I heard a distinct crunch, then cough and gag, from the other bed. Cue this conversation:

Me: Smush, are you okay?

Smush: *gagging, spitting* Umm, yeah.

Me: Did you eat something?

Smush: Yeah.

Me: What did you eat?

Smush: Umm, just a Christmas light.

I flew, I mean FLEW, to her bedside, to find her spitting out tiny pieces of red Christmas bulb. Thankfully, it appeared that she did not swallow any, but Mom radar doesn’t shut off, so I have spent the last several days monitoring her eating and pooping (so. fun.) and waiting for the slightest sign of digestive issues.

In the meantime, all Christmas decorations have been taken down, and I’m seriously considering getting those electric shock pads to put around the tree next year. My girls broke no less than 6 ornaments this year. Plus there’s the whole issue of Smush apparently having some mild form of pica. If you read that definition, I’m fairly certain every toddler in the world has had “pica” at some point. Kids eat things. Like crayons, and paper, and light bulbs, evidently.

Maybe I should start off small with this New Year’s thing. “No ER trips in 2013.” Has a nice a ring to it.


About Mediocre Mom

I am a wife to the man who was made for me, and mom to three amazing girls: Punkin is eight, Goo is four, and Smush is two. I'm a Christian, a science geek, and completely addicted to coffee. Trying to stay sane one day at a time. Lowering the bar for moms everywhere.

6 responses »

  1. You are setting your sights too high for 2013. Maybe fewer than 5 trips to the ER in 2013? When you have three kids, don’t set yourself up to fail. I think we only had 2 this year? SCORE!

    If it makes you feel any better, my brother in law ate a Christmas ornament when he was a child. Everyone who tried fishing the bits out of his mouth got cut, but he never did. He also drank perfume. He is now an adult with a child of his own, so no permanent harm was done.

  2. Yikes! Ate a Christmas light? Let’s hope that child ends up being as adventuresome about eating vegetables as about eating non-edibles.


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