Parenthood changes people. The life experience I mean, not the TV show. Although the TV show could probably do that, too, since it makes me cry every. single. time. In any event, having kids does weird things to you. It kind of turns your whole life upside down. It makes you do and say things you swore you’d never do or say. It makes you not do things you just knew you couldn’t survive without. And maybe sometimes it makes you a little batty. My whole life is a paradox at times, but these are my top nine.
- Handled three natural births like a boss. Carried ice pack around for three hours when I burned my finger on the wood stove.
- Has wiped poop off of bottoms, faces, hair, carpet, tile, and car interior; also has no problem swiping and sniffing to see if something is, in fact, poop. Totally grossed out by spiders.
- Has managed to hear “Call Me Maybe” only twice. Memorized theme songs to every major children’s cartoon and movie since 1982.
- Loves organization. Regularly cleans out and re-categorizes art/game and linen closets. Still can’t find my other brown boot.
- Made it through college all-night study sessions and paper writing with a few good friends and a little mountain dew. Can’t form words without at least two cups of coffee since reproducing.
- Spent entire adolescence wanting more curves. Had three kids and is wondering if plastic surgery on my “birthing hips” is worthy of a fundraiser.
- Total foodie who loves cooking from scratch. Except every single night at dinner time for the past 5 years.
- Cleans, cooks, tends fire (side note: I’m totally like Ma Ingalls), and manages kids and home all day. House looks like I literally did nothing.
- Hates hypocrisy, totally into “practice what you preach.” Has, on a rare occasion, yelled at the kids to stop screaming.
These are mine. They aren’t exhaustive. And if I had the time or energy or
if I got paid for this I would put more thought into it. But since I know at least one of you can come up with something to add, let’s make this a group effort! Add a parenting paradox in a comment, on my Facebook page, or tweet one with my handle, @Mediocre_Mom. I will love you forever. Or at the very least, I’ll respond.