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Parenting FAIL Friday #4 – Why Moms don’t get potty breaks.

If you are a mom of young children, or you know a mom of young children, you know this universal truth:

There’s no such thing as a potty break.

The notion that one could, in reality, obtain 60 seconds of uninterrupted private time is, in and of itself, preposterous. This is due to several factors:

  • Small children don’t really get that “privacy” thing.
  • If they do get it, they totally don’t care.
  • If they do care, it’s only in regards to other people, because it’s inconceivable that Mommy would ever want to be separated from them.
  • Peeing is super cool. Especially to the ones still in diapers. The magical porcelain machine that makes the cool whirring sound is even cooler, and by being in the bathroom every time it’s used, you gain inspiration for the myriad of things that can be flushed down said machine.

But there is another reason that Moms don’t get potty breaks:

We know better.

Most of us seasoned mothers know that in the blink of an eye, or the flush of a toilet, a level of destruction comparable to Chernobyl can be released with fury in nearly every room in the house. I’ve provided this handy photographic journey through my home, after the last potty break, to support my thesis:


Bedroom wall.

Wall in the dining area.


What’s really not fair, though, is that I didn’t even get my 60 seconds of peace. Smush did all this while I was helping Goo go potty. Reward for wiping butts and washing hands? This hot mess.

But wait! There’s more. (I said that like an infomercial guy. If you didn’t read it in that voice, go back and read it again.)

This is my favorite potty break moment. I don’t show my girls’ faces on this blog, which I’m sure they’ll appreciate someday, but this is Smush, on the kitchen floor. Goo had a hand in it as well.

Notice Goo’s  hand extended in the lower left corner. I’m fairly certain she used “the Force” to create this, and many other, catastrophic messes.

People ask me for parenting advice. This in itself I find amusing, but here is my number one tip:

Pee with the door open.



About Mediocre Mom

I am a wife to the man who was made for me, and mom to three amazing girls: Punkin is eight, Goo is four, and Smush is two. I'm a Christian, a science geek, and completely addicted to coffee. Trying to stay sane one day at a time. Lowering the bar for moms everywhere.

17 responses »

  1. This is sooo funny! Don’t you just love those moments of just pure shock! Just that moment of (ooohhh mmyyy … what happened here?!?!) I have elected you as my Friday Favorite!!

  2. Pingback: Friday Favorite: Pee with the Door Open | Boy Mom Blog

    • Thank you! I put a link up to your blog on my Facebook page. Hopefully I’ll send some traffic your way for parents needing an extra dose of humor and honesty. And information about boys, since I have zero knowledge in that department.

  3. Oh my god, that is too funny! I almost peed my pants, seems appropriate due to the content of this post don’t ya think? Those pictures of the markings on the wall could have been taken at my house. Also, you could replace the cheerios with oatmeal at my place. It somehow ends up on my floor all the time even though I try to hide it. I think my son put a GPS on it!

  4. I know exactly how you feel, a few days ago i went to the bathroom and when i came out dan and luke had successfully ruined the right mouse button because i had left my iced tea in the cupholder at the computer desk and they were dipping their hands in my drink and putting their hands in their mouths, spraying iced tea all over the desk and the mouse and the wall 😛

  5. Oh, my. I feel your pain. My daughter once decided to mark all her furniture with nail polish. And the makers of crayons could never imagine the trouble their creations can cause.

  6. beforeIwasamom ...

    Hahahahaha that’s totally true… and it should be added in millions of books about parenting, my son is 8 and I still blame it on him for my potty issues, cause he doesn’t paint the walls (anymore) but at the age of 8 he still feels the need to desperately knock on the bathroom door when i’m, you know …

    • Ha! Yes, even with the door closed, privacy is a thing of the past. Largely due to the fact that our children’s ideas of “really important” are vastly different from our own.

  7. Too funny. Looks like I have a lot to look forward to. I already shower in 2-minutes with the door open and my baby’s not even crawling yet. HA.

  8. Pingback: Parenting FAIL Friday « Confessions of a Mediocre Mom

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