I always find it amusing when my kids start using my expressions or manerisms. It reminds me of why I have to be so careful about how I act and what I say around them. They’re really like little sponges, absorbing everything they see and hear. It’s so important to remember to speak things in love, and not judgement or anger.
But before you think I might actually write a serious post, let me give you some examples of the things I’ve encountered as of late. Because once again, Goo has left me baffled, hysterical, and a little bit concerned.
Incident Number One
If you’ve ever read the tales of my adventures in mediocre parenting, you’re probably aware that I’m a huge fan of the Super Nanny time-out. If you follow through and stick with it, it works. And eventually, the time-outs happen less frequently, because your little Todzilla learns that once that warning comes, it’s all over. Put up or shut up. In our house, I’ve executed about 347, 862, 927 Super Nanny time-outs (TO’s, for future reference). I’m basically a TO professional. Ask anyone. Including the people in the restaurant watching me make Goo stand against the wall because she tried to jump on the table. Again. Freakin food coloring.
It’s no secret that Goo has been the victim of the vast majority of those TO’s. Partly because it took us two years and the observation of a very wise friend before we figured out a lot of food was making her head explode. Partly because even after we eliminated gunpowder from her diet, she’s still a fiery, strong-willed, independent little girl. (Which, by the way, I absolute love. For realsies. It may drive me crazy now, but that girl isn’t gonna let anybody give her the business, and I’m pretty sure God designed her to eliminate world hunger and cure cancer. During her second term in the White House.)
The other day, my bff, whom I will now refer to as J-Money, walked into the living room with me to find this:
This is how Goo plays. She takes her toys, lines them up against the wall, and puts them in TO. Sometimes they have to sit in our TO chair. Super Nanny would be so proud. She might even give me a mom of the year award. (Side note: please notice how clean
this one corner my whole house is.)
I know, I know, imitation is highest form of flattery. But I can’t help but feel that maybe she’s missing the bigger picture. The one where I shower her with hugs and kisses and high fives. Or painstakingly bake goodies from scratch because all the mixes have gunpowder in them, and I throw in whole wheat flour and flax seed for extra fiber/iron. She plays with her toy kitchen and all, but she’s always cooking candy and steaks for dinner. I suppose in the end, the TO’s can’t be that bad if she feels it’s the appropriate discipline form for her dinosaur, train, and elephants.
Incident Number Two
I wish I had a photo for this one. Because the visual – it was like the icing on the cake. Sigh.
I was starting the morning ritual, when I head Goo talking to Smush in the bedroom. “C’mere. I need to smell your heiny. C’mere! C’mere! I need to smell your heiny!” *Sniff sniff*
I look over to see Smush standing against the bed, with Goo crouching behind her, nose to butt cheek, inhaling deeply.
Me: Goo, what are you doing?!?
Goo: I’m smelling her heiny.
Goo: Because I need to.
What do I even do with that?
After consulting J-Money, we determined that she’s probably copying the poopie-diaper checking system I use:
- Pick up the baby.
- Flip the baby over.
- Sniff the baby’s bottom to determine the poop status.