What is it about kids and the wee hours of the morning? Sometimes I’ve peeked in on my girls just as they’re waking up. They lay in bed for a few minutes, letting the sleepy wear off, and undoubtedly plotting the most annoying way to get me out of bed. The science of waking up a mom is not that difficult. Listen carefully children:
- Wake up.
- Prepare a fresh pot of coffee for your exhausted, overworked, under-appreciated mother.
- Approach her quietly, and whisper softly, “Good morning, Mommy. I love you so much. And here’s your piping hot coffee in your favorite mug, because I glued it all back together after it broke.”
- Honey, wake up! Do you smell nail polish?
- Mommy, I threw up.
- *Tip toe into my room.* I open my eyes. Cue full on screaming, kicking, ear-splitting tantrum. At 5:45 in the morning.
- Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, I did poo poo on my floor.
- Mommy. I want chocolate milk. Mommy, I want chocolate milk! Mommy, c’mooooooooooon. I. want. CHOCOLATE MILK!!!
- “Mommy, can we snuggle with you?” “Sure, hop in.” Whispers: Punkin, I see your sparkle nails? No, Goo, not right now. Punkin, I see your nails! C’mon Punkin c’mon! I see your nails! Pleeeaassseee! I see your nails! NO GOO! I just want to sleep! *Crying, yelling,
me tying the children to their beds with duct tape and installing sound proof walls*
- *The Nerd walking around in a very grumpy mood.* Me: How come you’re grumpy this morning? Nerd: I didn’t sleep well last night, okay? (This is when my eye starts twitching. I cannot imagine what it must be like to not get a good night’s rest. Because I always feel SUPER refreshed after getting up to help with middle-of-the-night potty breaks, water requests, crying babies, snoring husbands, and aching hips/neck/back. Every. Single. Night. Do people actually sleep through the night? I thought that only happened in movies.