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How NOT to wake me up in the morning.

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What is it about kids and the wee hours of the morning? Sometimes I’ve peeked in on my girls just as they’re waking up. They lay in bed for a few minutes, letting the sleepy wear off, and undoubtedly plotting the most annoying way to get me out of bed. The science of waking up a mom is not that difficult. Listen carefully children:

  1. Wake up.
  2. Prepare a fresh pot of coffee for your exhausted, overworked, under-appreciated mother.
  3. Approach her quietly, and whisper softly, “Good morning, Mommy. I love you so much. And here’s your piping hot coffee in your favorite mug, because I glued it all back together after it broke.”

Tell it like it is, girlfriend.

Is that so hard for a one/three/six year old?
My mornings are generally much, much different. Example:
  1. Honey, wake up! Do you smell nail polish?
  2. Mommy, I threw up.
  3. *Tip toe into my room.* I open my eyes. Cue full on screaming, kicking, ear-splitting tantrum. At 5:45 in the morning.
  4. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy, I did poo poo on my floor.
  5. Mommy. I want chocolate milk. Mommy, I want chocolate milk! Mommy, c’mooooooooooon. I. want. CHOCOLATE MILK!!!

    See the shadow of the little girl? The looks a lot like the puddle of nail polish that was poured all over my comforter. Before the sun came up.

  6. “Mommy, can we snuggle with you?” “Sure, hop in.” Whispers: Punkin, I see your sparkle nails? No, Goo, not right now. Punkin, I see your nails! C’mon Punkin c’mon! I see your nails! Pleeeaassseee! I see your nails! NO GOO! I just want to sleep!  *Crying, yelling, me tying the children to their beds with duct tape and installing sound proof walls*
  7. *The Nerd walking around in a very grumpy mood.* Me: How come you’re grumpy this morning? Nerd: I didn’t sleep well last night, okay? (This is when my eye starts twitching. I cannot imagine what it must be like to not get a good night’s rest. Because I always feel SUPER refreshed after getting up to help with middle-of-the-night potty breaks, water requests, crying babies, snoring husbands, and aching hips/neck/back. Every. Single. Night. Do people actually sleep through the night? I thought that only happened in movies.
So let this be a lesson to my children: payback is a funny thing. You have no. freakin. idea. how good you have it with me. Because right now, I wake you up with a gentle back rub, kiss on the cheek, and a soothing, “Good morning, little sweetie. It’s time to get up.”
But so help me, if I wake up to one more tantrum/empty bowel on the carpet/sibling rivalry dispute/ginormous, uncleanable mess before 9:00 AM, you’ll be spending your high school years waking up to the sound of a fog horn. And a kiss on the cheek.

About Mediocre Mom

I am a wife to the man who was made for me, and mom to three amazing girls: Punkin is eight, Goo is four, and Smush is two. I'm a Christian, a science geek, and completely addicted to coffee. Trying to stay sane one day at a time. Lowering the bar for moms everywhere.

3 responses »

  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAH! BETH 🙂 this was awesome!!!

  2. Pingback: 1 Bad Mom » Blog Archive » I’ll Give You Something to Cry About!

  3. That is great!


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