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Dear Smush, I love you.

Dear Smush,

I love you. When I found out you were coming, I cried. I was scared. I wasn’t expecting you. Daddy had lost his job, and I wasn’t sure we’d be able to take care of you the way we needed to. But even then, I loved you.

My pregnancy with you was by far the most difficult. For 5 months, I was sick all day, every day. I even had to go to the hospital once. For two months after that, I was sick all morning. But you were more than worth it. I love you.

Daddy and I couldn’t decide on a name for you. There were some that I liked, some that he liked, and one we both kind of liked. Let me tell you how you got your name.

Your big sister, Punkin, came down with fifth’s disease while I was pregnant with you. The doctor told me I had to be tested, because it could cause harm, or even miscarriage. At that moment, I realized that it didn’t matter how much money we didn’t have. I loved you. I loved you more than I could have every imagined. And I was scared. Scared that I’d lose you. Scared that I never get to meet the miracle that is you. So I prayed. I begged God to let me have you, to protect you, to keep us safe. And I decided then what name to give you. Your name means, “life,” because I believed that you were full of life, and could overcome whatever report the doctors gave. And you did. I love you.

In three weeks you will be one year old. And you are pure sunshine. From birth, you have been the happiest, easiest baby ever. You spread joy wherever you go. When I hear you in your crib, before the sun has even come up, I smile because I know that my little joy has woken up. I love you.

There are so many things for you to learn and discover. Right now you love looking at animal books, putting everything in your mouth, and watching the antics of your big sisters. They love you. And I love you.

Daddy loves you too. Every day when he gets home from work, you squeal with delight. You kick your feet and make crazy noises and reach your arms out for him. If he walks by you to put his coat down, you are instantly in tears. Because you love your Daddy. And he loves you.

As you grow, I will have more to tell you. More to learn about you. More to love about you. For now, you are my little ray of sunshine on the cloudiest days. You are the personification of joy. And I love you.



About Mediocre Mom

I am a wife to the man who was made for me, and mom to three amazing girls: Punkin is eight, Goo is four, and Smush is two. I'm a Christian, a science geek, and completely addicted to coffee. Trying to stay sane one day at a time. Lowering the bar for moms everywhere.

3 responses »

  1. and I’m crying!

  2. Kelly Sexton



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