Since this blog is based on my many blunders, and embarrassing true stories of my adventures in motherhood, I have decided to write a confession. Real confessions, real stories. And, looking back, real laughs. Here goes.
- I cannot count how many times I have picked up food off the floor, rinsed it, and let the kids eat it again. “Tight” does not begin to describe the budget we are on. “Suffocating” is more like it. I can’t be wasting entire containers of blueberries because my girls inherited my gene for clumsiness.
- My house is messy more than it’s clean. I try, I really do. But all three of my girls can make messes faster than I can run to the coffee pot in the morning; and trust me, that’s fast.
- I. Hate. Laundry. There is almost always a pile in the basement. Sometimes there’s more down there than in the dressers. I’m talking, “Honey, do I have clean underwear? Or shirts? Towels? Anything?”
- In moments of sheer exhaustion, I have absolutely let the girls eat things they shouldn’t, and play with things they shouldn’t, for the sake of avoiding a meltdown. Like chocolate chip cookies and lollipops for breakfast. Or, “Yeah, you can color with the permanent markers. Just keep it on paper.” That last one always works well. Just ask the two sets of slipcovers that have been ruined…
- The following scenario has played through in our household numerous times: the baby is on the floor. The baby is gumming something. I check to see if it’s a choking hazard. Nope, it’s just an old piece of bread crust. In that case, gum away. You’re happy. And quiet.
- I get parenting tips from SuperNanny. Because I’m often clueless enough to use the TV as a source of parenting advice.
- I have been known to, on occasion, give the girls a bath solely for the purpose of keeping them contained. Okay, once I gave them two baths in one day for this reason. So sue me.
- I get an attitude with Punkin, then get mad when she gives me the same attitude. But where did she learn that eye roll? Not from me. No siree.
- I yell, more than I like to. Sometimes you have to yell. Like, “No! Do not put your hand on the stove!” Or “NO! We do NOT put the whole toilet paper roll in the potty at once!” Or “No! We do not stick necklaces into surge protectors!”
- I have ordered delivery simply to avoid loading the kids up in my not-quite-big-enough-for-three-car seats car and going to the grocery store when we’ve run out of dinner supplies. I have gotten bruises from trying to buckle the girls in there. So yes, I admit, I have used the pizza delivery man to avoid it. Also, sometimes I’m just lazy.
- I don’t put on nice clothes unless I’m leaving the house. Because you know what happens when I put on nice clothes? They get covered in spit up, half gummed pieces of teething biscuit, finger paint, and stickers. Plus, no change of outfit, less laundry. Bonus.
- I have whined back at my kids in the same voice they used so they can see how annoying it is. It doesn’t bother them. And I’m pretty sure it doesn’t set a good example. Umm, do as I say, not as I do?
- I used to watch The Biggest Loser while eating hot fudge sundaes. Don’t you judge me.
I’m sure there are more, but I can’t write anymore because Goo is running wild. I think she needs a bath.